


Rumours

by flaggermousse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, POV Harry Potter, Past Relationship(s), Rumours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flaggermousse/pseuds/flaggermousse
Summary: The tale of how the Sirius Black had murdered a whole street full of people was already well-known, but as students came back after Christmas, new rumours began to spread throughout the castle. It seemed like everyone had spent their Christmas interrogating any relatives that attended Hogwarts in the 70s about the dark wizard.Mostly, the stories confirmed what Harry had overheard in Hogsmeade. Black had been a clever, charming troublemaker. Almost every girl that had attended with him had had a crush on him at some point. But apparently, Black had destroyed the hopes of all those girls …… when he started datingRemus Lupin.Harry didn’t appreciate anything that had to do with Black, but those rumours in particular made him uncomfortable.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin (implied)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 190





	Rumours

**Author's Note:**

> After making two comics about Remus past history with (then assumed) deranged killer Sirius Black being spread among [teachers](https://flaggermousseart.tumblr.com/post/623602505794895872/all-this-year-i-have-been-battling-with-myself) and [students](https://flaggermousseart.tumblr.com/post/629491248459300864/could-be-a-follow-up-to-this-less-fun-comic) at Hogwarts, I started thinking about Harry's views on this.

It seemed like few things sparked imagination and curiosity the way frightening things did. Harry remembered all too well how much people had whispered in the hallways last year, when the Chamber of Secrets was opened. 

With Sirius Black on the loose, it was perhaps only natural people wanted to know more about the infamous killer. The tale of how the dark wizard had murdered a whole street full of people was already well-known, but as students came back after Christmas, new rumours began to spread throughout the castle. Almost everyone had spent Christmas at home with their family, and it seemed like every single one of them had interrogated any relatives that attended Hogwarts in the 70s about Sirius Black.

Mostly, the stories confirmed what Harry had overheard in Hogsmeade. Black had been a clever, charming troublemaker. His whole family had apperantly been in Slytherin before he was sorted into Gryffindor, but he had fit right in. Harry didn’t like the thought of Black having been in Gryffindor, leaving behind footsteps in the places Harry now walked. He recalled Hagrid once telling him how most wizards that went bad came from Slytherin. But every house had their bad ones, he supposed.

From what Harry heard, almost every girl that had attended with Black had had a crush on him at some point. Judging from the old photo from the Potter’s wedding, the man had been handsome, once. But apparently, Black had destroyed the hopes of all those girls …

… when he started to going out with _Remus Lupin._

That was perhaps the one rumour the students just could not let go off. Their latest Defence Against the Dark Arts-professor was in his thirties; so he _had_ attended Hogwarts alongside Black. Could it be true that he had actually _dated_ that deranged killer?

Professor Lupin did not _seem_ to have caught on to all whispering happening behind his back. He appeared to be his normal, slightly shabby self when he was well enough to teach classes again after Christmas.

After what had happened in Hogsmeade, Harry didn’t appreciate _anything_ that had to do with Black, but those rumours in particular made him uncomfortable.

He remembered how uncle Vernon had talked about how he ‘didn’t want homos and fairies in the neighbourhood, trying to recruit kids to their sordid life-style’ and aunt Petunia had muttered that the deceases they struggled with was clearly ‘proof those people were unnatural’. But Harry had learned from experience that what the Dursley’s were against, he was usually for.

It had more to do with his newfound hatred of Black that infected everything that man had touched. Lupin was without a doubt Harry’s favourite professor, and the thought of him and Black together was just … wrong.

It couldn’t be true.

* * *

Harry did his best to ignore the rumour mill. The match against Ravenclaw was coming closer, and he needed to put all his focus into the anti-Dementor lessons professor Lupin had agreed give him. The first lesson, Lupin admitted that he had been friends with Harry’s father, and that he had known Sirius Black. He hadn’t seemed very keen to talk about it. Obviously, when an old classmate turned out to be a monster, it put some damper on reminiscing. It didn’t have to mean that they had … been together.

The subject of Black didn’t come up again until the last lesson before the match. After several attempts, Harry had yet to conjure up a proper Patronus, but professor Lupin assured him that the silvery shape he managed to produce would be enough to at least keep the Dementors away until he could land his broom. Harry hoped that was true. He didn’t want a repeat of the fifty feet fall from the last match. Hopefully, there would be no need for him to even use the spell. Dumbledore had been furious about the Dementors entering the school grounds; they probably wouldn’t come again this time ...

Standing there, drinking the butterbeer Lupin had brought, Harry’s thoughts kept circling back to the disturbing creatures. He turned to Lupin. “What's under a Dementor's hood?”

Lupin lowered his beer-bottle. “Well … the only people who really know are in no condition to tell us. You see, the Dementor lowers its hood only to use its last and _worst_ weapon.”

That didn’t sound promising. Harry figured he might regret asking when it came time to go to sleep, but still, he was curious: “What’s that?”

“They call it the Dementor's Kiss,” Lupin said. There was a small, twisted smile on his face. Almost a grimace. “It's what dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. I suppose there’s some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and … and suck out their soul.”

Harry almost chocked on the butterbeer he was drinking. Coughing, he stared at Lupin.

“Wh-hk-what- they _kill_ -”

“No,” Lupin said. “Much worse than that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you'll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no … anything. There's no chance at all of recovery. You'll just exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever... lost.” Lupin sighed; he seemed to find the topic unpleasant. “… it's the fate that awaits Sirius Black. It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The Ministry have given the dementors permission to perform it if they find him.”

For a moment, Harry thought about what that would be like, to have his soul sucked out of his body. He shuddered. But then he thought about Black, and what he had done. The last moments of his parents’ lives still rang in Harry’s ears. “He deserves it,” he muttered.

Lupin looked at him. “You think so? Do you really think _anyone_ deserves that?”

Harry stared back defiantly. “Yes, for... for _some_ things...”

Through the now familiar hatred that pulsed through him, Harry noticed that Lupin’s eyes seemed sad. He could not fathom why. Lupin _had_ to know what Black had done; if anyone deserved such a fate it was that traitor. Was it actually possible Lupin felt _sorry_ for Black? The words were out of Harry’s mouth before he thought to stop them: “Do you still love him?”

The butterbeer bottle slipped out of Lupin’s hand and smashed against the floor. Harry jumped away to avoid beer and glass, but Lupin stayed frozen in place. The sticky mess splashed over his shoes and robes.

Lupin stared at him. An uncomfortable, nearly painful silence filled the room, and Harry decided to focus on his own shoes. He wanted more than anything to sink into the ground. When Lupin finally spoke, his voice was far colder than Harry had ever heard it in any of his classes.

“… so you’ve heard the rumours going around.” Lupin didn’t yell, but it was obvious he was struggling to keep calm. “As I’ve repeatedly explained to several of the … _bolder_ students these last weeks, professors don’t usually discuss their private history with pupils.”

“I- I’m sorry, professor, I didn’t mean-”

Lupin sighed. He turned to the broken bottle on the floor, and repaired it with a wave of his wand before placing it back on the table. The cold drained out of his voice, and now he seemed more tired than Harry had ever seen him. “I think that’s enough for today, Harry. You better go get some sleep.”

“Yes, I – good night, professor.”

Harry hurried out before he had the chance to mess the situation up even more. Once he was far enough away, he slowed down. As he walked by paintings of medieval witches and wizards, he replayed again and again the whole uncomfortable scene in his head.

Beating himself up for putting his foot in his mouth, Harry suddenly realised something. Professor Lupin had seemed angry … but he had not _denied_ it. Even if professors didn’t usually discuss their private life with students, Harry couldn’t help but think Lupin ought to have made an exception in this case, to give a clear ‘no, there isn’t any truth to these rumours’. Nip it all in the bud, especially since Harry apparently wasn’t the first one to ask.

A horrible, invasive question, an accusation.

 _Why_ hadn’t Lupin denied it? Could it really be true?

Despite the shock that made him drop the bottle, Lupin had managed to be fairly in control of himself. But the look on his face … thinking back, Harry recognised it for what it had been; pain. As if Harry had stabbed at an already open wound with his insensitive question.

Harry lent against the wall. In the painting opposite him, a knight was training at jousting as a beautiful lady in a mediaeval dress waved at him from a balcony. The knight got distracted and fell off his horse.

Adding up all the things he had learned, Harry had to grudgingly admit, if only to himself, that the rumours were probably true. The moment he reached that unwelcome conclusion, one feeling overwhelmed all the others:

He felt so _sorry_ for professor Lupin.

Harry’s parents had trusted Sirius Black with their lives. He had been the best friend, the best man at their wedding, the godfather to their son. They hadn’t at all suspected that he was a traitor. Back then, Lupin had likely thought like them. He had loved Black, they had probably lived together after school; maybe he had even wanted to _marry_ him, if that had been allowed.

How did it feel to realise the person you love is a treacherous monster? The thought of Ron or Hermione turning around and trying to kill him – Harry couldn’t even imagine it. Judging by what he had seen in Lupin’s face this evening, those wounds ran deep.

Harry was not going to tell a soul about what he had learned, he decided. Not a _word_ of it, to _anyone_ , not even Ron or Hermione. It was the least he could do, keeping it secret. He would never bring it up with professor Lupin again; he would keep his mouth shut, both in class, and in anti-Dementor lessons.

… if he was going to have any more of them after this last one.

Harry watched for a while as the knight in the painting tried to climb the balcony to the beautiful lady and failed miserably. Then he got up, and headed towards the Gryffindor Tower.

**Author's Note:**

> Some dialogue taken from chapter 12 of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.


End file.
